


Bucky's Diaries

by TimeWaste



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-07
Updated: 2016-12-07
Packaged: 2018-09-07 01:01:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8776945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeWaste/pseuds/TimeWaste
Summary: My head hurts...





	

April 26, 2014  
I need to write it down. My head hurts. I can barely see. But it need to write it down before I forget. I can't forget again. My name is James Buchanan Barnes. The Target was right. I think. I saw it at the museum. I saw my face. I couldn't believe it's really me. After all this time, I really believed I was nothing but artificially created weapon meant to bring peace to this world. I wanted to comply. I wanted to be good. It's all falling apart now.  
Back then, I looked like a person. More... more alive.  
Can I be a person again? I don't know if i can.  
I don't know if that isn't a trick. THEY told me he might try to confuse me. My head hurts. I am confused. I failed.  
Mission failed. I can't go back. 

April 28, 2014  
I'm so tired. My head hurts. My right arm healed but it is not functioning right, after The Target broke it. The bone is crooked. I'm not operational. I need to break it again.  
In case I forgot: I NEEDED TO BRAKE IT. NO ONE HURT ME. I NEEDED IT.  
My mind is playing tricks on me.  
I know i'ts because of the programming. It hurts. I... I know I need to run. They are looking for me. You don't just forget a weapon like me. I don't know if The Target wants me for the same reason, but I know he is looking, too. I am not ready. I don't want to go back to HYDRA either. I have to hide. Lay low for a while. 

March 17, 2014  
My right arm healed. I found an old warehouse on the outskirts of New York. I know I cannot be here, but something keeps me here. I know they are trying to hunt me down as I write this. My stomach hurts. My head hurts. I'm not operational. I'm sleepy.  
I think I might be hungry... I feel that for the first time since I can remember. I don't have any money. I have to find something. I feel so weak. 

March 19, 2014  
I found something to eat. Yes, I found it in a trash can. It is some leftovers from a fast-food restaurant. It smelled good... I've done worse.  
I'm eating for the first time for as long as I can remember. I just couldn't be limited by those kind of things, when I was The Winter Soldier. THEY fed me when I was sleeping, intravenously. That way, I could stand a long time wait, when I was serving as a sniper. I couldn't feel hunger anymore. Now, it is killing me. 

March 23, 2014  
I got some money. I stole a wallet. I dumped it but I took the money. I needed it. My head hurts. It is becoming unbearable. I hear THE WORDS in my head. I am scared that I will trigger myself. Is it even possible? I don't feel right.

March 24, 2014  
THEY are everywhere.... I'm so tired... My head hurts... My heart beats so fast. I sweat. I... I think I'm scared. I remember fear. My targets were scared.  
Tonight I put three rounds in a wall. I wake up scared. I see things that aren't there. I keep seeing those people in white. I feel sick. I was too loud, I have to run.

март  
Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена Миссия провалена

**Author's Note:**

> Update will come soon  
> I would love to see some comments  
> Help me


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